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Side Meaning: Gay Slang, Explained
In gay slang, a “side” is a man who enjoys sex without anal penetration. Instead of topping or bottoming, sides get off on everything else: oral, grinding, mutual masturbation, kissing, and touch. If you’ve seen the word on a dating profile or in a group chat and weren’t sure what it meant, that’s the short version. Here’s the rest.
What does “side” mean?
A side is a gay man whose sexual preference doesn’t center on anal sex, in either role. He’s not a top (who penetrates) or a bottom (who receives). He’s a side, and his sex life is built around non-penetrative pleasure. It’s a preference, not a limitation, and it’s a full, satisfying way to have sex.
For the complete breakdown, see What Is a Side?.
Where does the word come from?
The term was coined in 2013 by Dr. Joe Kort, a gay sex therapist who is a side himself. It stayed niche until May 2022, when Grindr added “side” as an official role alongside top, bottom, and versatile. From there it spread fast across TikTok, Reddit, and queer media. The men have always existed; the word is what’s recent.
Related gay slang, explained
“Side” belongs to a small family of terms gay men use to describe sexual roles. Here’s the quick glossary:
Side: enjoys sex without anal penetration.
Top: takes the insertive role in anal sex (penetrates).
Bottom: takes the receptive role in anal sex (is penetrated).
Versatile (vers): enjoys both topping and bottoming.
Power bottom: an especially enthusiastic bottom who often takes the lead.
Total top: someone who only tops, never bottoms.
Vers-top / vers-bottom: versatile, but leaning toward one role.
Want these side by side? See the gay sexual roles explained.
How to use “side” in a sentence
A few natural examples:
“I’m a side, so I’m way more into oral and grinding than anal.”
“He’s got ‘side’ on his profile, same as me.”
“We’re both sides, and honestly our sex life is great.”
You use it the same way you’d use top, bottom, or vers: as a quick, matter-of-fact way to tell a partner what you’re into.
Is “side” an insult?
No. “Side” is a neutral, self-chosen label coined within the gay community by a gay therapist. It isn’t a slur or a putdown. Some people simply haven’t heard it yet and may ask what it means, but the word itself carries no shame. Using it is just a clear way to describe a real, common preference.
FAQ
Is “side” the same as versatile?
No. Versatile guys enjoy both topping and bottoming. Sides prefer neither, and build sex around non-penetrative acts instead.
Is being a side the same as being asexual?
No. Sides feel full sexual desire and enjoy sex. They just prefer it without anal penetration.
Who invented the word “side”?
Sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort coined it in 2013. Grindr adopted it as a role option in 2022.
Do a lot of gay men identify as sides?
More than most people assume. Many only find the word after years of feeling like the top/bottom binary didn’t fit them.
How do I know if I’m a side?
If anal doesn’t especially appeal to you and you get off on oral, grinding, and touch, you may be a side. Take the Am I a Side? quiz to see.
Go deeper with What Is a Side?, compare top, bottom, vers, and side, or take the Am I a Side? quiz.