Side, Top, Bottom, or Vers? The Gay Sexual Roles Explained

In gay sex, there are four main roles: top, bottom, versatile, and side. A top penetrates, a bottom receives, a versatile guy does both, and a side skips anal altogether and finds pleasure in everything else. That’s the whole map in one sentence. The rest of this guide unpacks each role, how they differ, and how to figure out which one is you.

If the words get thrown around on apps and in group chats and you’ve never been totally sure what they mean, you’re in the right place. None of these roles is better, more masculine, or more “real” than the others. They’re just different ways of enjoying sex.

What are gay sexual roles?

A sexual role describes how you like to participate in sex, especially around anal. It’s a shorthand that helps two people quickly understand what they both enjoy before things go further. The four you’ll hear most are top, bottom, versatile, and side.

Two things worth knowing up front. First, a role is about preference, not identity or personality: being a top doesn’t make you dominant, and being a bottom doesn’t make you submissive, even though people sometimes blur the two. Second, roles aren’t permanent. Plenty of men shift over time or change depending on the partner. Think of these labels as useful tools for communication, not boxes you’re locked into.

What is a top?

A top is the partner who takes the insertive role in anal sex, meaning he penetrates. Some men top exclusively and identify as a “total top.” Others top most of the time but occasionally switch, which you might hear called “vers-top” (versatile, leaning top).

Topping is often wrongly tied to being dominant, masculine, or “the man” in a couple. In reality, a top can be gentle or intense, dominant or easygoing. The role only describes the physical position, not the vibe or the personality behind it.

What is a bottom?

A bottom is the partner who takes the receptive role in anal sex, meaning he’s penetrated. As with topping, there’s a spectrum: some men bottom exclusively, some are a “power bottom” (very into it and often taking the lead), and some are “vers-bottom” (versatile, leaning bottom).

Bottoming carries a lot of unfair stigma, but it’s an extremely common preference and takes just as much confidence and skill as any other role. Again, being a bottom says nothing about how masculine, assertive, or dominant someone is in the rest of their life.

What is versatile (vers)?

A versatile, or “vers,” guy enjoys both topping and bottoming. He might switch within a single encounter or vary it from partner to partner. Vers is one of the most common answers you’ll see on dating apps, precisely because it keeps options open.

Within versatility there are shades: “vers-top” and “vers-bottom” signal which side someone leans toward while still being open to both. If you genuinely enjoy giving and receiving, vers is probably your word.

What is a side?

A side is a gay man who enjoys sex without anal penetration at all. Sides don’t top and don’t bottom. Instead they build their sex lives around everything else: oral sex, mutual masturbation, grinding, kissing, touch, and toys used externally. It’s pleasure without penetration, and it’s a full, satisfying way to have sex.

Coined by sex therapist Dr. Joe Kort in 2013 and added to Grindr as an official role in 2022, “side” gave a name to something plenty of men had always felt but never had a word for. If anal has never really appealed to you, this might be your role. We go deep on it in What Is a Side?.

Quick comparison

Are these roles fixed?

No. Roles are preferences, and preferences change. A man might bottom in his twenties and lean vers later, or discover he’s happiest as a side after years of assuming he had to pick top or bottom. Some people feel strongly attached to one role; others treat the whole thing loosely and just go with what feels good in the moment.

There’s also no rule that you have to choose at all. Labels exist to make communication easier, not to define you. If none of them feel right, that’s completely fine too.

How do I know which one I am?

The honest answer: by paying attention to what you actually enjoy, not what you think you’re supposed to enjoy. A few pointers:

• If you love penetrating and rarely want to receive, you likely lean top.

• If you love receiving and rarely want to penetrate, you likely lean bottom.

• If you genuinely enjoy both, you’re probably vers.

• If anal doesn’t appeal much either way and you get off on oral, grinding, and touch, you may be a side.

Still unsure? That’s normal, especially early on. You don’t have to decide today, and you’re allowed to change your mind. If you want a quick nudge, take our Am I a Side? quiz.

FAQ

Can I be more than one role?

Yes. Many people are versatile, and plenty mix things depending on the partner or the day. Roles describe tendencies, not strict rules.

Does being a top or bottom mean I’m dominant or submissive?

No. Role is about physical position in anal sex, not personality or power dynamics. A bottom can lead and a top can be gentle.

Is “side” a real role or just an excuse to avoid anal?

It’s a real, recognized role. Sides have full sex lives built around non-penetrative pleasure. Not wanting anal is a valid preference, not an excuse. Learn more in Is It Normal to Not Like Anal Sex?.

What if none of these fit me?

Then don’t force a label. These words are tools for communicating what you like. If they don’t help, skip them and just tell partners what feels good.

Do I have to tell partners my role?

It helps. Sharing your role early makes it easier to find people you’re compatible with and avoids awkward mismatches later.

New to the term “side”? Start with What Is a Side?, find out why not liking anal sex is completely normal, or take the Am I a Side? quiz.